“Unlearning: The Key To Mastering Your Mindset” By Cristina Dovan

Credit: Cristina Dovan

In 2020 I started my first online business and in 2021 I quit my job. As simple as that sounds, I struggled so much with the idea of quitting my job because I’ve been told that I should get a job, work, pay the bills, and retire, this is what everyone else does. I have never heard anyone at home or school discussing starting a business. Nobody tells you to bet on yourself, just get a job where you are told what to do, you have security and it’s less risky than betting on yourself.

You see why I had problems quitting my job. I felt stuck at times and couldn’t understand why, I was doing everything right except unlearning the old ways that would make me question and doubt myself all the time.

I had money in my savings to last me a year, I had money coming from my business every month but I was too scared to jump. Life is interesting though and it pushed me, if it wasn’t for that push I don’t know what would have happened because my old limiting beliefs had me stuck on a loop that wasn’t serving me. So how do you undo a lifetime of programming; how do you forget all you’ve ever been told about work?

I never wanted to follow what others do, to this day I focus on myself, I focus on what I want at all times. I worked hard on myself to make sure I got off the hamster wheel and let go of my 9–5 mindset. There’s nothing wrong with having a job, I loved learning at all my jobs, and I met amazing people so I think if you are passionate about it do it with all your heart. I was simply done with having a job and I wanted to bet on myself.

Below are some tips on how to unlearn what you have been told all your life.

1.  Identify what holds you back and let it go.
First and foremost you have to identify what it is that holds you back, what specifically have you doubted yourself, challenge your doubts and limiting beliefs by asking yourself is this true? when I have been told this and by whom? Many people that we meet are scared of change because of traumatic events that happened in their lives, like losing a job and not having money to pay for food and bills or other types of failure and they will project their fears onto you, so never take advice from people that you wouldn’t trade life with. Listen to what they say and learn from their mistakes but don’t stay stuck because you are scared.

2.  Have a growth mindset.
Embrace a growth mindset that will set you free. Many of us tend to believe that it’s impossible to learn the skills we need to start a business, when you are an entrepreneur you are a ’ one-man show’ at least in the beginning and many carry on by themselves, so you pretty much do it all. It’s hard to imagine yourself learning all that, there is a concept called ‘just in time learning’ that teaches the importance of learning everything when you need it, it’s like building a house, you start with the foundation and then putting up the walls and then comes the roof, it’s one step at a time you don’t rush and you certainly don’t put the roof before the walls. The best thing is to learn everything as you need it, one step at a time.

3.  Learn from others.
Surround yourself with the right people, even if you are alone in your journey, who you listen to, and who you watch, makes a world of difference. Focus on where you are going and follow people that are where you want to be. Join communities where people talk about what you want to do, read books that show you how to do it, learn from positive people, and don’t quit when it’s hard. There is a saying ‘You become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’. This is so true, don’t waste your time with negative people, with people who don’t have dreams, people who never accomplished anything, because you will become like them and unless you are strong enough to detach from that mentality you will be stuck there with them. When you try to eat healthy but keep cookies in the house, what happens? Eventually, you will eat those cookies, so it’s better not to buy them at the store, same goes for bad influences, better to avoid them altogether.

4.  The power of introspection.
Learn to reflect on everything you experience, what you learn, what you read and keep yourself in check. Keep yourself at a very high standard in terms of how you react to your environment. We can’t control how others behave but we can control our behaviour, our thoughts and we can therefore create our life the way we want it to be. This narrative that we can’t control our lives is wrong and misleading, we are the creators and not the spectators of our lives. Is it easy? Certainly not. Is it worth it? Definitely. Live with the thought that whatever you want is up to you to get it, nobody owes you anything. Living entitled won’t get you anything other than frustration. We all deserve nice things but society has been built in a way where we have to earn what we want, there are no handouts on your way to greatness when you are all alone and scared. When you bet everything on yourself, people will call you crazy but once you do it they will start asking how you did it.

5.  Take action.
Nothing speaks louder than action when it comes to changing your mindset, changing your life is not an easy task, so taking consistent action is more important than anything. Knowing is potential power, are you an information ‘hoarder’ or are you an action taker? This also means you have to move forward when you fail, and you have to be flexible in your approach, not everything is supposed to work for everybody. Some things may work for someone but they might not work for you so you have to be flexible and try new things but never stop. I’ve learned more from all the failures I had than from the successes I had — it’s who you become in the process of getting what you want, it’s not only about the destination. Action is the boldness to go after your dreams. It’s about getting up and following your heart every day despite how you feel and how hard it seems. Don’t stop and know that nothing worth having comes easy.

Unlearning years of programming is not easy especially when many concepts that are supposed to control us are so subtle, it’s difficult to intercept them, but once you start the change and refuse to stop, it becomes easier. Never forget you can learn from those that have already changed their mindset. There are books and content that can help when it becomes challenging and you feel like giving up. Unlearning is one of the most important steps when you start your journey of changing your mindset, identifying what holds you back, letting go of it, and replacing it can make the difference between staying stuck in a life that is not fulfilling to a life that gives you meaning and purpose. So ask yourself — ‘what do I have to unlearn to move forward in my quest for an amazing life?’

Meet Our Contributor — Cristina Dovan
Cristina is a certified life coach who blends her passion for human behavior with her experience in digital entrepreneurship. She embarked on her personal development journey over five years ago and is now devoted to using her insights to help others transform their lives. Cristina’s story is one of growth and change, starting from her academic roots in International Relations to launching her own business in 2020. She lives in Coventry, United Kingdom, and is dedicated to guiding her clients towards realizing their full potential.